"Yellow Flags" about trust and what to do about it

Written by Katherine Gilliland

Here’s the tricky part about trust: clients rarely announce when it’s fading.

They don’t say, “Hey, I don’t feel as safe with you as I did ten minutes ago.” Instead, trust slips quietly - through small shifts in energy, language, and risk-taking.

What does this look like?

Your client might stay more in their head, focusing on “doing” versus “being.” This can look more like reporting details and facts, versus exploring values and emotions. Or, your client might ask you, “what do YOU think?” not because they want direction, but because they’re not sure they have the “right” answer (and feel the need to have one). Or, your client seems like they are “performing” and “being a good client” versus being willing to explore and be vulnerable. All of these are signs that your client is not feeling safe enough to explore, to feel deeply, and to imagine possibilities. Without vulnerability, real sustainable shifts can’t happen… which means you’re leaving some measure of the full benefit of coaching on the table. Eventually, if you haven’t been paying attention (or you’ve chosen to ignore the signs), your client might stop setting up appointments.

So what do coaches do that destroys trust (even when well-intentioned)?

Feeling a sense of discomfort, we might move past emotion too quickly or over-validate our client’s feelings. Feeling internal pressure to add value, we might interpret instead of explore, hold a hidden agenda for the session, or overuse frameworks. Watching the clock, we might treat an insight as the gold, not the opening into something deeper… or simply move to an action plan too quickly. Trying to coach the “right” way, we might prioritize structure over relationship, polish over authenticity, performance over presence.

How can we repair trust when we notice it’s missing?

As soon as we notice we’re hooked into a trust-eroding behavior or that our client is holding back, the first step is to slow down. Step out of the content of the coaching and name what you’re noticing, not with judgment, but with a curiosity that brings you and your client back into partnership. Remember – relationship is first, and you are co-creating the experience with your client. In essence, let go of wanting certainty and control, and surrender to being fully present.